Pessimistic...

I should try to change my damned life
Not to have the pip for all my life
Not to feel that I am too weak and rife
Not to have a bad fall in a slime.
I don' want to be afraid of relations
I don' want to be afraid of love
I feel my heart hastily needs redemption
I don' want more living in this smut!
God! Allow me to change my way of living
Let me know and try freedom really
I don' want to repress my sad emotions
I just need them to have a huge explosion.
Should I think that everything will be fine?
And I'll be able to get rid of this slight?
The only thing that can help me is just time
But... Can I endure all these? Or I'll die?